Wisdom for Today - October 26th, 2007

Recovery Lane
Wisdom for Today
I want to be alcohol and drug free for the rest of my days. For a long time I was not sure this would be possible. I always feared relapse. Somewhere along the road to recovery I discovered that this really was not up to me, and I am glad it is not. What I learned was that if I relied on myself, there would always be a risk for returning to addictive use. However, when I realized that if I left this up to God, I no longer needed to worry about or fear relapse. This did not mean that I could stop working the steps or going to meetings, but it did mean that if I surrendered to my Higher Power's will for me that I could be confident that He would not lead me back into addiction.
Instead I have been led on an incredible journey through the steps. Sometimes the path was rocky and steep, and the climb was hard. Sometimes I found that my life changed in remarkable ways, and I found new freedoms. Each step along the way, God has walked with me. Thus far, by the grace of God, I have not wanted to go back to the insanity. As time passes, I grow more and more confident that God is leading me on a path that does not involve relapse. This is not to say, it has been easy. In fact, I have had some very difficult challenges in recovery. Yet I am always led though these difficult times and find growing evidence that my Higher Power really does care for me. Am I turning over my will and my life to His care?
Meditations for the Heart
In the Big Book is a line that says, "Half measures availed us nothing." There is no place this is truer than with our spiritual lives. I can put hours and hours of effort into working at change in my life. Yet if I ignore my spiritual development or only go halfway in my spiritual effort, all my work can fall apart. I learned this from old-timers in the program. I was told, " Never be afraid to ask God for help or for what you need." In recognizing some of my character defects, I found that they were not easy to let go of. I could work and work at trying to change my behavior, and nothing would change. Then I would talk with my sponsor, and he would ask me if I had prayed for willingness to let go. I, of course, would say that I asked God to remove the defect. My sponsor again would ask if I prayed for willingness. When I finally would stop being stubborn and would listen, I realized that I had been praying for the wrong thing. I needed to be entirely ready to let go of this defect. There was a part of me that always wanted to hang on to my old behavior. Only in spiritual preparation did I become ready to let go. Do I prepare myself spiritually for change?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today help me to be open to spiritual development. Give me courage to use all measures necessary for change. Let me be willing to follow where You lead me. Let me always surrender my will and follow Your will for me. Amen.